There’s a phrase we all use to describe the state of someone recovering from an event. When asked, “How is she?” the answer is often, “Well, she has good days and bad days.” It’s easy to know what triggers the bad ones…a look, a word, some sound or a song. A fragrance, maybe from the kitchen, or on the wind, and the floodgates open, the tidal wave washes over, and it starts again…the slide back down into the loss, and the process of trying to come back, of recounting the reasons to come back, and the awful, terrible, soul-eating loneliness of it.
But what triggers a good day? So easy to flick that switch that creates those bad ones. But how to create a good one?
I have discovered on this forced journey a crucial aspect of the process of healing – learning how to deliberately choose thoughts that feel good. I finally recovered in some small measure an ability to pull my thoughts onto something postive, something that creates good feelings. It takes courage not to pick at the wound, which in the past seemed to give some kind of deceptive relief.
But of late I know it is time to try really hard to feel better. Grief becomes a physical illness and can, if allowed, bring one down so far it’s not possible to get back up. A dear friend of mine recently exhorted me…”You are all you have!” And yes, I am all I have to live this life with. Even with God’s loving arms, and the kindness of the friends who hung in, it is still me who has to get up off the ground. And I choose – This is it, and I simply cannot let go of this gift of life.
I am not always successful at choosing better feeling thoughts, but I am getting some small measure of ability. A saving grace is my new work of mastering the necessessary skills entailed in network marketing: meeting and communicating with large numbers of people, writing articles, techy stuff like constructing this blog, keyword research, social bookmarking, making videos (still really green at that), and the daily routine of having tasks that are important not only to me but to the ones who are depending on me.
The last few days have been good ones. The sun is shining, the air is warming, birds are nesting and trees are budding. Life returns! Thank you Lord for the persistence of Nature.